Update: Long Overdue.

I know, I know...it's been almost three months since I have updated this blog. :(
I'm sorry.

My intention was to keep updating regularly throughout my entire time in Italy...however, a crazy life and crazy schedule got the better of me and I got out of the habit of blogging. But here is my attempt to catch you up on my life and continue to do so from now on. :)

Well, the first big news I guess is that I am home. In America.
My roommates and I flew home just over a week ago and I have pretty much been in my bed trying to get over jet lag since. :) But the fog is clearing and I am starting to get back on my feet. Hence the blog entry at midnight. :) I am happy to be back home and back in America for a while and am enjoying luxuries like clothes from the dryer, ice, air conditioning, and large glasses of free water.

After a lot of thought and prayer, I have decided to go back to Italy for another year starting in September. God made it very clear to me that He was calling me to Italy over a year and a half ago and I believe that is still where He wants me to be. There is still so much work to be done and I have just begun to invest in the language, culture, and friendships. I am excited to be going back in a few short months!

Italy is beautiful...but that is not why I keep going back. My eyes have been opened. I have seen the need. The need for the gospel, the need for God's love in action - helping, serving, giving, and just loving Italians. I can't not go. God has put a passion in my heart for this country and for these people and a call on my life to be used by Him there. So I will be faithful to do what He has asked me to do. I will go back. As many times as He asks me to.

This summer while I am home I will be raising financial support again. God has been so faithful to provide for me over the past year [see previous entries] and I know that He will continue to give me everything I need.

Thank you for your friendship, prayers, and giving. I need you. I am so thankful for the support system of friends and family that God has given me.

Please continue to pray for me this summer as I am raising support. Pray that all of the money would come in quickly, but also pray that God will be glorified in the process and that His name will be lifted high.

[with teammates and italian friends one of my last nights in italy]

What we've been doing..

[At the beginning of March we partnered with two other ministries to do a Bible distribution on the campuses of the University of Florence. We passed out hundreds of Bibles to students - many of whom have never read the Bible for themselves.]

[On March 8 we celebrated Festa della Donna - a day set aside across Europe to honor women. In Italy this holiday has turned into a night of partying at clubs with male strippers. We had about 25 girls come into our home where we made a nice dinner served on real dishes, showed a video we had made of Italian men answering questions about the value of women, and had small group discussions about who we are as women.]

[At the end of March we had the first of what will be a monthly event called Kaleo. We (Agape) are partnering with our church, another church, and another Christian ministry in Florence to create an evening once a month for all of the believers in Florence to gather as well as bring non-christian friends.]

Those are just a few updates on what has been going on in Florence. Easter is just a week away and most students will be going home for the holiday. On Tuesday evening we will be showing the Jesus film at one of the campuses. Please pray for this event. Easter is one of the few times out of the year that students are more likely to be thinking about spiritual things. Pray that God would use this film to speak to their hearts and show them the truth of who He is.

living life

somewhere in my head i have always thought that as i got older, i would get better.
better in the sense that i would have things more together - be more organized, not procrastinate as much, use my time better, get more sleep, excersize more, sin less...
i am realizing that this is not true.
the more time that passes, the more i see what a mess i am.
i do not have it all together. not even close.
being in italy this year has put me in place where the band-aid that i have covered myself with so well for so long has finally been ripped off and my complete brokenness exposed.
it has been hard. it is hard. but at the same time it is so beautiful.
seeing what is probably just a glimps of how broken and messed up and not at all perfect i am has allowed me to really see and experience the beauty of Christ in my life. the message of his death on the cross for my salvation is so much more affecting when i see how desperately in need of his grace i am.
i am not perfect. and i don't have to be.
i am in need of God's grace every day.
as i realize that more, i love Him more.
as i love him more, i want to know him more.
as i know him more, he changes my heart and makes me more like him.
he is working on this mess that i am, and one day [in eternity] i will be made perfect as he is perfect.
but for now i will rejoice as my father is glorified through my brokenness.
his grace, mercy, and love showing through my cracks far outshines any tarnished image of perfection i could display.

I'm alive.

My posts have been few and far between...but the long awaited moment has arrived and internet has been restored at my apartment! [Two-months after it stopped working - thanks to Italian efficiency. :)]

Anyway, life in Florenence has entered the busy season of Spring. The sun is starting to shine, the days are getting longer, and our calendar is filling up quickly.

This week we will have a group of students from the states in to see what ministry is like in Italy and spend time on campus with us. Please pray for this time, for these American students, and for the Italians they will meet. Pray for our team as we are in a busy but exciting season.

More updates coming soon. :)

I love Love.

Valentine's Day is one of my favorite days of the year.

I love all of the pink and red and hearts and construction paper valentines and chalk heart candies and on and on... I just LOVE Valentine's Day. :)

We had a great V-day here in Florence. My teammate Marti hosted a little party at her house for our team as well as several of our Italian friends. We had LOTS of heart shaped cookies and cupcakes and tons of other food.

It was really fun to share the time with our Italian friends. The longer that I am here, the more encouraged I am by the real friendships that are developing between myself and Italians. It is so exciting to share life with them - inviting them to things we do and being invited to things that they do...Just exciting to really have friends here. :) That's why we are here...to build relationships with Italians and share Jesus within those relationships. Be praying for the relationships that I have as well as the initiation of new ones. Pray that the lives of these Italians would be changed by the power of the gospel.

Images.

It's been a little over a week since our team got back from our mid-year conference in Nerja, Spain. The conference was for Agape staff in Europe, Russia and the Middle East. It was a great time of being refreshed as well as challenged for minstry this next semester.

One of my favorite things in life is to sit outside in the sun and look at nature. I'm a bit of an introvert and a major internal processor so there is something so calming and refreshing about just sitting by myself and allowing my mind to stop spinning and just take in the beauty of Creation.

This conference definitely provided that for me. I spent a lot of time out on the sand and rocks sitting right by the sea soaking up the sun just enjoying being alive and getting to be at such an overwhelmingly beautiful place. I loved Spain! Part of its appeal may have been that I was coming from dark, cold, rainy, noisy Florence...but Spain was so serence and warm and just exactly what I needed.

Other than the beautiful scenery and time to relax, another favorite thing about the conference was the teaching. One of our national leaders here in Italy - Gary Runn - led us in a time of studying the Bible each day. His teaching is always great, but one thing he talked about that really stuck with me was the concept of being an image bearer.

God created us each in his image with the purpose of bearing his image. But so often we are so consumed with building our own image that we do not bear the image of God.

This really wasn't the main point to Gary's talk, but I haven't stopped thinking about it.

How much time and energy do I spend trying to build my own image? Worrying about others perceptions and opinions of me....Am I more concerned that when people see me they see a put-together polished image I have created of myself, or that they see an image of Christ?

This concept is related to what the Lord has been teaching me all year about my brokenness and the beauty of being a jar of clay. When I allow His grace and perfection to shine through my weakness and sin, rather than trying to cover those things up and display a perfect image of myself, He is glorified. He uses my weakness to show His strength. My flaws to show His perfection. And as I allow those cracks to show and He shines through them, the image people see when they see me is not an image of myself, but rather an image of Christ.

Reflections.

A new year has begun, and thus we begin a new semester of ministry in Florence.
A year ago, the Lord was working in my heart, chipping away at the walls I had put up...slowly preparing me for the time that He would ask me to come to Italy. This time last year I had no idea that a year later I would be sitting in my living room in Florence, Italy spending a day preparing my heart and mind to dive into ministry for another semester.

After I spent the summer of 2007 in Florence with Campus Crusade I knew I wanted to come back and do ministry here for a longer period of time - but I wouldn't let myself consider it as a real option. Raising financial support to come for the summer had been very difficult and had resulted in a lot of hurt between myself and God. Coming back to Italy for a year was simply too big and I couldn't do it. But while I was fighting to keep the desire to go back to Italy hidden away deep inside of me, God had a different plan. He was working on me - even when I had no idea.
I researched many different mission organizations, looking for options to serve the Lord that didn't require raising money. But nothing seemed right...I felt no real leading from the Lord in any direction. At the start of 2008 I started getting anxious about what I was "going to do with my life." I was graduating in a few months and needed to have some sort of a plan. I knew God wanted to me in ministry...but I just didn't know how or where (well, I did...but I wasn't allowing myself to think about that option so I needed a new plan...).
The Crusade staff team from my university encouraged me to intern with them for a year. It would be a great option of something to do while I was trying to figure out what was next as well as a great environment for growth and training in ministry. I decided to at least apply, in case I decided it was what I wanted to do.
By April, I still hadn't made a solid decision and the training weekend for all new interns with Crusade was just weeks away. I had to figure out what I was supposed to do. So I started praying - really praying and seeking the Lord about this decision.
Over the next few weeks God met me where I was - in the midst of all of my fear and brokenness and hurt. When raising support for my summer missions trip had not turned out the way I thought it would it had broken my trust with God, and I had held onto that hurt and carried it for months, not allowing myself to really trust the Lord for anything. But, as I said, He had been working in my heart when I wasn't even aware of it...and now He started to bring everything out.
In one weekend I realized the lies I had been believing - that God had let me down and that I couldn't trust Him - and I saw the truth of his sovereignty and power. He healed that place in my heart and connected it back to Him. Then He brought up the thing I had been trying to hide for so long: My desire to go back to Italy. I knew it was what I wanted, and I started to think about it again. But what I really needed to know is if it was what God wanted. The confirmation I received over the next few weeks was unbelievable. God was asking me to go to Italy - and even more importantly, asking me to trust Him enough to take a big step of faith and believe that He would raise all of the money I needed to get me there...in 3 months.
It was a wild summer - a lot of which I wrote about on this blog. A lot of the time it didn't look like I was going to make it - I never met any of the financial deadlines that I was supposed to even though I was working hard at raising support. But every time that I wanted to give up, God was there asking me to trust Him. Asking me how far I was willing to trust Him. And so I kept choosing faith. It wasn't easy, and it definitely wasn't in my own strength…But I knew I was supposed to be in Italy so I kept trying.
A week before our departure date I still did not have all of the money I needed in order to go. I got a call telling me that due to an urgent situation with the housing and the fact that I was still 25% away from my financial goal, I would not be able to go to Italy. I was heartbroken. I had poured everything into this for the last several months…I had trusted the Lord to make it happen…I couldn’t understand why God had brought me this far only to not let me go.
It was a Friday evening, and so I asked if there was any way I could have until the end of the weekend to keep trying. I was told that if I could be at 100% by 5:00 on Sunday I could still go – but otherwise Italy was out.
After a lot of crying and praying and a pretty sleepless night I knew that the Lord was asking me the same thing He had been asking me all summer “How far will you trust me?” I needed to trust Him until the end.
Even though it seemed absolutely impossible for that much money to come in in less than 2 days, I had to keep trying. So with a lot of help and support from my family we started making calls. We called all of our friends who we knew would pray with us and ask God for this miracle. Then we started calling people who had been interested in supporting me but had never made decisions.
After a few hours thousands of dollars had come in and it kept coming…all day, into the night, and through the next day. I was completely astounded and amazed. God was doing a miracle in my life, right in front of me! People who I had never met and never asked were giving money. People who had already given were giving more. I was getting e-mails, text messages, and phone calls from friends telling me they were praying, telling their friends, and even pledging to support me.
At 5:00 on Sunday I was not at 100%, but I was amazingly close. My STINT coordinator called to see what had happened over the weekend. She couldn’t believe what the Lord had done. I stood on my front porch jumping up and down with tears streaming down my face as she told me I was going to Italy!! I was so excited! But even more, I was unbelievably amazed at the faithfulness of the Lord. He had asked me to trust Him…and He had showed himself faithful all the way to the end.
It was a hectic week preparing to leave the country for a year, but as I stepped onto the plane I knew I was exactly where the Lord wanted me and I knew if He was big enough to get me on that plane, He was big enough to change the hearts of Italians with the gospel.

So here I am in Italy just a few months later, and even though my time here has not always been easy, it has been so sweet to know 100% that I am where the Lord wants me and that even if it doesn’t always seem obvious to me He has a plan for me this year. He is faithful; He is able.